she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
