I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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