im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
