last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
