you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
