Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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