I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
