He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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