There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize