halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
