ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
