my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
