I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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