1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
