You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
