I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
