Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's great music for shaving your balls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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