Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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