I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize