Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
