ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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