Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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