I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
