That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
