Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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