I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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