Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
