my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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