so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
