If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
