Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
