i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The best revenge is premature balding
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
