I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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