I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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