Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
