Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
