Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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