I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
