Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
