Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
