Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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