Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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