I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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