I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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