I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.