Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
