Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!