I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.