I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you had me at cake vodka
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence