Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning http://tfl.nu/zcz6
  Replies (33) Good night (3129) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself. http://tfl.nu/qlu7
  Replies (42) Good night (5989) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6973) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough. http://tfl.nu/jcxc
  Replies (1) Good night (737) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting. http://tfl.nu/2s6l
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover http://tfl.nu/dbpl
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work. http://tfl.nu/abpr
  Replies (27) Good night (579) Bad night (2345)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.

  (561): View more from Florida

  Your mother would be so proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom. (561): Your mother would be so proud http://tfl.nu/t9pg
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps. http://tfl.nu/9n8s
  Replies (4) Good night (405) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player. http://tfl.nu/yxi1
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far.. http://tfl.nu/4lu0
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls (+44): On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything http://tfl.nu/w86s
  Replies (1) Good night (963) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you. http://tfl.nu/65sl
  Replies (2) Good night (399) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho. http://tfl.nu/fmz4
  Replies (0) Good night (479) Bad night (212)

Randomize