Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Hurt me personally.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though

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  (954): Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass? (1-954): Hurt me personally. (954): Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though http://tfl.nu/ypmo
  Replies (18) Good night (2030) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.

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  (231): Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it. http://tfl.nu/ct5c
  Replies (8) Good night (4511) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

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  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2278) Bad night (4568)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win

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  (818): hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win http://tfl.nu/nyog
  Replies (14) Good night (8421) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list

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  (301): This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list http://tfl.nu/qiye
  Replies (14) Good night (4500) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall

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  (917): It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall http://tfl.nu/9ve8
  Replies (81) Good night (1455) Bad night (5458)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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  (301): Not even the dog will look at me anymore. http://tfl.nu/6y6q
  Replies (15) Good night (1107) Bad night (4549)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.

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  (201): She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza. http://tfl.nu/d9wz
  Replies (20) Good night (2994) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.

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  (207): He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job. http://tfl.nu/muvn
  Replies (7) Good night (2315) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.

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  (774): Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep. http://tfl.nu/pcyk
  Replies (11) Good night (1721) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.

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  (330): Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered. http://tfl.nu/lz30
  Replies (8) Good night (566) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else

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  (650): sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else http://tfl.nu/g0kz
  Replies (5) Good night (1604) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Heroically.

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  (262): Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night? (505): Heroically. http://tfl.nu/ycud
  Replies (3) Good night (1054) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  Next. Level. Shit.

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  (910): I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower. (1-910): Next. Level. Shit. http://tfl.nu/dulw
  Replies (5) Good night (1260) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends

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  (805): you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends http://tfl.nu/d359
  Replies (5) Good night (288) Bad night (667)

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