Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
