If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
