Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
