just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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