I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
