omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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