I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
