Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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