Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
