"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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