Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
