Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
where are my eyebrows?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
