doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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