Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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