Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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