i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
