Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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