wanna go halves on a baby?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize