Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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