Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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