ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
