I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
