It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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