Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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