so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
