So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
