O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
