Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
