we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
