Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
