Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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