my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What drink are we having for lunch?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
